Tai Chi This...

  Turns out Keanu Reeves is a good director... excellent, even... okay, bad pun. But he's good at it, for realsies.

  The story is about a fellow named Tiger Chen (because why the fuck not) who does Tai Chi -- but not your grandma's kind of calisthenics and rather the wet dream of wuxia aficuonados everywhere. And he does it for peanuts too.

  What? Yes, dude is dirt poor because an old fat bastard in his pj's (his "master") somehow convinced him that it is "not honorable" to make an honest living out of his talents and so poor tiger has to work a frustrating dead end job as a courier for the Chinese version of Fed Ex (I guess... did I mention I watched this thing with no subtitles on?) and so is forced to get his fighting fix by partaking in pussified amateur bouts for no monies against the kung fu equivalents of redshirts. And there's a love story angle with a cute girl somewhere in there but it doesn't really matter... because manly and breaking things (peole, really).

  Kinda sucks to be the guy, really.

  But not all is lost for him. His ability does get noticed by Keanu Reeves's shady businessman in DONAKA MARK (because fuck yeah?) who offers him a lucrative "job" beating fools inside a small room in what he calls... REAL FIGHTING (or just 'real fighting' because Keanu Reeves is emotionless).

  Homie takes him up in his offer because fuckit, he wants some coin to make ends meet. Keanu smirks about this and many other things -- but mostly because he's, like, so evil and likes to troll the cops and secretly fuck with Tiger's life.

  Dramaz happen. There's a cop subplot, too.

  It's actually a really decent flick if you're into this kind of stuff, more akin to what would resemble a character study of a classic protagonist in these kinds of movies than it is about the nominal macho fare that permeates the genre (it's not an accident that the main character looks like a really, really ugly woman... what?), yet it respects its roots... and that is its problem.

  Fight scenes are the standard flashy, stylized stuff you've come to expect, and they are very well directed BUT... sadly I suffer from the ailment I have termed "faitfanitis," which means, basically, that I like to watch full-contact sports.

  But who cares about any of that? I do, becuase the ailment has ruined my appreciation of these kinds of flicks. No longer can I enjoy movies like this one without finding them extremely silly. It is all just so... lame. Especially this one, because its whole narrative rests over the absurd conceit that there are people out there who would pay to see people fight "for real," which is absolutely true -- but the problem is that this is normal and already happens (see UFC, PRIDE, K-1, etc.). In boxing, MMA (mixed martial arts), or kickboxing.

  In the magic world of this movie there are no injuries (unless they are magical!) or need for proper training regimens like sparring, dieting, etc. People get kicked in the head over and over again, not one needs to preserve his cardio, or put weight on their punches.

  Everyone, and I mean everyone, waifs around at the plot's discretion, screaming like dancing little girls on a steady diet of nothing but sugar and cocaine. And I won't even get started with the unsettling undercurrent of validation of the already-proven-obsolete concept of the "Martial Arts Master" because I will shit a large, square brick.

  But keanu Reeves menacingly hisses at the camera sometime during the movie, which is awesome. But then he pulls a somewhat polt twisty-twist out of his ass near the end which had me kinda scratching my head and totally turned my outrage on its head.
  Yay, I guess.

  Now, bias aside, this movie is definitely not shit. It boasts an honest attempt at decent character development, an assured hand when it comes to shooting action, and a genuine intention at being more than just about said action -- which may well be enough.

If anyone is interested in watching a somewhat short flick that has jack squat in common with real fighting but an earnest heart, they could do way worse than giving this one a spin.